We spent Sunday morning at the L.A. Zoo. The new LAIR paddock is pretty rad — all kinds of scaly creepy crawlers. We’re members of the zoo, so we get in without having to wait in line and get discounts at all the eateries and shops. Also, we get deals at other zoos around the country.
The only dark spot in the morning was when I asked a vendor for a cup of ice to add to our water bottles and the woman gave me a Dixie cup of ice. Like, seriously. I’m sure it’s policy, so I don’t blame that woman. But c’mon, zoo. A fucking Dixie cup?
For a family with twin toddlers, I feel we’re surprisingly agile. When the boys woke up this morning, my wife said, “Let’s go to the zoo.” No pre-planning, no prep. We just packed up and went. The boys had a blast and we discovered Boone’s favorite animal is the zebra. We know because he told us.
Boone and gorilla.
We survived our trip to the zoo and not one baby fell into the gorilla enclosure. Well, not one of mine anyway.
My mother-in-law and I loaded the boys in their wagon and navigated them on a safari that included flamingos, giraffes, chimpanzees, orangutans and something called a mountain bongo, which looks like a shaved yak with a Von Dutch paint job.
It was a smashing success. The boys were too overwhelmed by all the wildlife to complain that they barely got out of the wagon. The few times they did complain, I was able to calm them by offering my usual threat of throwing them to the lions, but this time there were actual lions.
On a related note, I have one piece of parenting advice for anyone thinking of taking their rugrat to the zoo. Most zoos offer memberships. Get one. It may seem like a scam but, on the contrary, it’s a total deal. At the L.A. Zoo, for example, the cost of a membership is just under the cost of three family visits. That means one more visit and our membership paid for itself, unlike my subscription to the Ham Of The Month Club.
Depending on which level you purchase, you also get other perks like tram passes and advance announcements regarding events for kids. Plus, there’s a special entrance for members that allows us to skirt the line to get in. So basically, the L.A. Zoo is the only place in Hollywood where I’m treated like a VIP.
The only downside of today’s trip was having to explain to my boys that the lady chimp wasn’t carrying a large grapefruit on her back. It was her ass.