westernmom-easternworld:

In keeping with my little series, here goes my five top reasons why I love having a son. 

1: He genuinely needs me; and somehow that’s endearing. 

2: He’s a perfect scapegoat for uncontainable-public-farts. 

3: No matter how absurd, he believes everything I say. 

4: His existence totally justifies my bossiness. 

5: Wherever I go, I’m always holding hands with the cutest guy in the room. 

I second all this and I’ll add…

6: TRAINS! DINOSAURS! SHARKS! DRAGONS! LEGOS! SPIDER-MAN! SPACESHIPS!*

(*I know girls can be and often are into this stuff, too. But, I’m talking about the fact that I get to experience all this… What? Dragons are cool.)

The definition of “family” has certainly changed from even just a decade ago. And for a lot of divorced or single parents, it’s still changing. For those who don’t plan to stay single, Amy over at raisingbabyboy explains some rules she applies (built from her own experiences) when she hits the dating scene.

raisingbabyboy:

• Just because I am not ready to date doesn’t mean I don’t want a relationship. Girl can get lonely ‘ya know?
• SINGLE PARENTS CAN EVENTUALLY FIND SOMEONE AND MOVE ON! I really hate when people say “no one is going to want to date you because you have a kid”. Contrary to belief most guys I have talked to don’t mind dating or getting to know someone with a kid. These opinions and “facts” are based on my own experiences.

My rules as a single parent and dating:

1. DON’T introduce your child(ren) to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I grew up with divorced parents. My parents did date other people after the divorce. More so my mom, and one thing that sucked was my brother and I met most of her boyfriends. We got attached. Then it didn’t work out. SUCKED completely. With that being said I have to be seeing a guy at LEAST 6 months before he can meet my son. 
2. The first date, IF it’s a “blind date”, then no I am not gonna tell this guy that I have a kid. No need to tell them EVERYTHING. Need to feel him out first. Make sure he’s not a creeper, and of course if he actually likes kids. 
3. First date if the guy already knows you have a kid—Well, 2 things with this scenario—I’d like to think positive and think “Oh he’s accepting of the fact that I have a kid and he’s family man potential”….UH don’t always think that right off the bat! Keep your guard up, be honest and straight forward in what you want because the second scenario could be that he doesn’t care that you have a kid and just wants to bang you and move on. Let’s be for real here, you can’t just put all your eggs into one basket.
4. This rule is for when the child is between 3-6 years of age: TALK TO YOUR CHILD. If you’ve been talking to someone for 6 months+ and you (and the guy) are ready to meet the love of your life (your child obv), explain to your child what’s up. It builds trust and a bond with your child! It gives them a better understanding on what’s going on. 
5. And if UNFORTUNATELY you did all the above and after a long time of dating/serious relationship, it doesn’t work out, explain to your child that this person that was special and much very involved isn’t going to be around as much anymore. Break it down in a mature loving manner no matter what—-even if it was a bad break up. Kid doesn’t need to know the juicy details, just what’s appropriate for their age and what they can handle. Slowly distance the child and the ex from each other. Remember they developed as much of a bond as you did with that person. A child doesn’t have a full on grasp of how relationships work; it’s a very sensitive subject.

These are just things that I have thought out because I know that eventually I will go through these things. I know EVERY situation is different. These are just guidelines for myself. 

For all you single mothers and single fathers what are your thoughts on dating? experiences?

As you read in the caption of my last photo post, we moved from our apartment near Hollywood to a single family home. It has a big garage, an extra room we can use as an office/guest room and a HUGE backyard. This will make things much easier on us because we can just let the dog and the boys out back twice a day to poop.

We would’ve liked to purchase a home, but we’re renting this one. The market is still too fucked up and we’re still too un-rich. The house does have some issues. The kitchen, for example, could fit inside a 1972 Honda Civic. We just look at that as motivation to become less un-rich so we can buy a place we really, really like in a couple of years.

The other thing this house lacks is neighbors upstairs having loud sex or neighbors next door smoking Marlboro Lights right outside our door or neighbors above and to the right that jam with their jazz band buddies until 4 in the goddamn a.m. (Everybody was perfectly nice. I’m just sayin’.) No, we’ll be blissfully alone in our little dumpy house. The only other thing it lacks, which I was insisting on, but my wife talked me out of, is a helipad. I was just planning for when we’re no longer un-rich. I may need a chopper to commute to work. Or a jet pack.

It’ll be great for the boys. Aside from the backyard where they can run around like a couple of howler monkeys, their room is much bigger. So, we turned it into a nursery/playroom rather than what we had at our old place which was essentially a large closet with two cribs crammed in it. That way, we can keep the living room free of toys. That’s possible, right?… Why are you looking at me like that?

(Formspring question from anonymous)

Thannnnnk you! I think so, too.

Every once in a while, I look at them and think, “I can’t believe how stunningly beautiful they are. How the hell did this happen?” Then, I look at my stunningly beautiful wife and think, “Oh. Right. They got her genes.”

But hey, they got their irrational crankiness from me. So, there’s that.

They say there are no stupid questions. Don’t prove them wrong.

Okay, I’ve let the questions pile up because:

1. I’ve been really busy;
2. People seem to not enjoy reading answers to other people’s questions; and
3. Sometimes I’m an asshole and I get myself in trouble. (By the way, thanks to everyone who sent messages of support over “Nannygate.”)

That said, here’s a roundup of some of the questions sitting in the ol’ digital inbox…

what-words-can-say asked: You probably get this question a lot, but I just found your amazing, funny and awesome blog and have to run off to school :( How old are your boys?

I don’t get this question a lot. They’re 22-months old, just shy of 2 years. Thanks for the compliment and I have to run off and answer other questions.

tillylikespie asked: How old are your boys?

Damn. I guess I do get that question a lot.

imaginejumping asked: Whoaa. Your blog is seriously awesome, thanks for making me laugh. I’m not a parent, my grandparents would shoot me if I were to get pregnant at this age, but I love reading about your kids, in a non-stalker-ish sort of way. It must be hard for you to find time to write. So I was wondering, and I’m sorry if you’ve been asked this already, what music do you like? :) And, what was the strangest dream you’ve ever had? (and she sent this via Formspring) are there any particular songs that in any way describe your feelings toward fatherhood? Aside from songs to do with going crazy, of course.

Holy mother of God, that’s a bunch of questions. Okay. Yes, it’s hard for me to find time to write. It’s really cutting into my drinking/crying time. I have strange dreams every night. Every. Night. Not to cop out, but I really do like all kinds of music. Rock, blues, jazz, classical, world, country, zither music, Sousa marches. I should clarify that for most of those genres, I only like the old stuff. Chet Baker, not Kenny G. Pink Anderson, not Keb’ Mo’. If you forced me to pick one, however, I love-love-love punk music. Again, older stuff is always better. If you don’t want me to list any songs about going crazy, I can’t answer which one describes my feelings toward fatherhood.

anonymous asked: My husband and I are expecting our first baby at the beginning of next year. Well, he’s currently worrying the crap out of me because he seems to have slumped back into the partying mood since we found out. Do you think he’s just trying to get it out of his system before the baby gets here? Even if that’s the case, how in the hell do I get it across to him that he needs to stop?

First of all, congrats. Now, to your question.

When I found out we were having twins, I wanted to go on a multi-month bender. I thought it would be my last chance to cut loose. Turns out I was wrong, but if you told me that back then, I wouldn’t have believed you… probably because there was also a great deal of fear that had suddenly settled in my bones.

So hopefully, he’s just trying to get it out of his system. And unless he’s showing up drunk for your OB appointments, don’t worry. He’ll chill out eventually. Even if he doesn’t stop, rest assured he’ll suffer the worst punishment imaginable that first morning he’s woken up with a hangover by a screaming baby.

Seriously, though, just be honest with him. You have a great tool to keep him focused. (Hint: It’s in your belly.) And keep in mind he’s most certainly terrified of the responsibility that’s about to be peeing on his favorite shirt.

Two weeks ago, my boys discovered dirt clods. And yes, they threw them. Not at each other, but it’s just a matter of time before they realize if a dirt clod looks cool exploding on the sidewalk, it’ll look even cooler exploding off someone’s head, perhaps their brother’s head.

I see this as a natural stage. Dirt clods and boys go together like Lindsay Lohan and spectacular career flameouts. So, I didn’t discourage them from hurling them on the ground, at the fence, at the plants. But, I know there’s a fine line to walk here — the line between letting boys be boys and dooming one or both of my children to a lifetime of Halloweens spent dressed as a pirate.