Oh hey, look, it’s my latest piece for Huffington Post in which I basically tell people who think minivans are lame to shut the fuck up.
(This is an expanded/updated version of a post of mine from last year.)
enough said… this is an epic advert. well done Ford. well done.
Hmm… I’ve ranted about the idiocy of the minivan stigma before. I was going to go off on this, but I’m not quite sure what this ad is saying. “Don’t be a minivan person. Buy our minivan.”
Assuming you breed, you will probably own a minivan at some point in your life. You may scoff at this. You may be like, “Pfft. Minivans are for pussies. Ain’t no taming this tiger!” Wrong. You are not a tiger, and you can be tamed with shocking ease. When I was 25, I never thought I’d own a minivan. I thought I’d become very rich, move to a house on stilts in the Hollywood Hills, snort enough cocaine to fill a blimp, and drive around in a low-slung sports car with two undocumented Russian sex workers riding shotgun. Ten years later, I’m buying a minivan. And I’m elated about it. How is this possible?Read the rest here.
Looks like GQ is following my lead. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
We got a Honda Odyssey. Both the Odyssey and Toyota Sienna are rated top picks in safety, reliability, mileage and features. I think the Sienna might cost a hair less, but the Odyssey drives nice and has a few extras we like. (We got the Touring Edition, if you’re really curious.)
We have friends who had twins a while ago. They had the largest Suburban money could buy and they still had trouble fitting things in. When we travel, we always travel pretty light, but I still love the van because we don’t feel crammed in and as the boys grow, we won’t need to upgrade to get more room.
Plus, if everything goes to hell, we could live in it.
I clearly have a gene missing because this article in the New York Times (via @parentsmagazine), which is all about removing the stigma of the minivan, makes no sense to me. Or rather, the fact that it had to be written makes no sense to me. Or rather, the fact that minivans have a stigma makes no sense to me.
This caught my attention because we’re currently in the market for a minivan. We’ve loved our little Passat Wagon, but the boys are getting too big to safely get them in and out in busy areas (and in L.A., every place is a busy area). Plus as they grow, we’ve become much more of a traveling circus and it’ll only get bigger: sports equipment, art tables, busted bikes, camping supplies and all the other things that come with childhood. But, according to the article, parents typically won’t buy minivans because said parents don’t want to be seen as uncool.
Here’s what I care about in a vehicle purchase:
- Safety for my family
- Ease of travel (getting in and out, able to pack a lot of stuff, room for our dog, etc.)
- Mileage and how it affects my carbon footprint
Here’s what I don’t care about:
- If the lady doing 35mph in the fast lane thinks I’m uncool
- If the teen that parked too close to the shopping cart return thinks I’m uncool
- If the teller with the neatly manicured nails at the bank’s drive-up window thinks I’m uncool
- Glee (sorry, people)
The story goes on to say parents have latched on to a phrase — “swagger wagon” — used in one minivan commercial to counter the stigma and reclaim their hipness or whatever. Seriously, calm down. It’s not a “swagger wagon.” It’s a van. It’s not a symbol or a chink in your cool exterior. It’s a van. It’s not what represents you. No, what represents you is sitting safely buckled in the backseat. Of your van.
I mean really.