The Daddy Complex

Showing 2446 posts tagged family

What's Your Function?

Wife:
Hey, Boone. In the sentence "Dad drives quickly," what is the noun?

Boone:
Dad.

Wife:
Wyatt, what is the adverb?

Wyatt:
Quickly.

Wife:
What’s the verb?

Wyatt:
Drives.

Me:
Wow! That’s amazing. I didn’t learn that stuff at school until I was much older.

Wife:
They didn’t learn that at school.

Me:
No?

Wife:
Schoolhouse Rock.

We’ve started doing a new thing around the house. We formally introduce each other with the most absurd names possible. It goes like this:

Me (standing next to Boone): “May I present to you, from the Land of Duuuuufflingplaps, the great and honorable Lord Baghlarghlargh!”

The boys do it too, introducing me. And we all think it’s super funny. However, Wyatt just topped us all, possibly forcing us to retire the bit. Last night, while I helped Boone brush his teeth, Wyatt introduced himself thusly:

"May I present to you, from the Land of Farts, the great and honorable Lord Butt!"

I turned to look and he was mooning us.

Discussing Your Questions With My Kids

Let’s try something new.

Send in a question for my boys via my ask box. If we get good ones, we’ll select one or two to be answered at the end of next week’s Discussing News With My Kids. (Here’s this week’s episode, ICYMI.)

I’m not looking for “What’s your favorite color?” type questions. Be creative. And I have just two rules:

  1. Don’t be an asshole.
  2. Seriously, don’t be an asshole.

"Watch this"

improvisingfatherhood:

The other night I was playing soccer with my 5-year-old and he was in goal and I was taking some pretty tough shots on him. He’s gotten pretty good at blocking my shots. My wife came over and I told her he was getting good. Before the next shot I said, “Watch this.” Then I took a shot but the ball got away from me and went a little high and hit my son right in the face. Instant tears. You should have seen the look on my wife’s face.

"Watch this." (kicks ball directly into son’s face)

When it comes to soccer, making your kid cry is not the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAALLL!

When it comes to expectations as a parent, I’m pretty pragmatic. I don’t need my kids to be straight-A students or invent the cure for cancer. I mean I tell them they can do anything, can be anything, but when we have trouble just bathing them regularly I find it’s best to manage my expectations.

Despite my pragmatism, however, it devastates me to know that one day I won’t be able to pick them up anymore, that a college romance will end up breaking their heart, that a job will replace Legos as the most time consuming thing in their life. And worst of all, someday they’ll realize, while the world is full of wonderful things, that real magic doesn’t exist.

Someday, they’ll grow up.

High-res I’ve been talking with Wyatt and Boone each week about news and current events to get their perspective. A new episode debuts tomorrow. In the meantime, you can check out previous episodes, which include discussions such as:
Why invisible guns are better than regular ones
What their celebrity perfume would smell like
How free money might solve a lot of the world’s problems
The benefits of various robot animals

I’ve been talking with Wyatt and Boone each week about news and current events to get their perspective. A new episode debuts tomorrow. In the meantime, you can check out previous episodes, which include discussions such as:

  • Why invisible guns are better than regular ones
  • What their celebrity perfume would smell like
  • How free money might solve a lot of the world’s problems
  • The benefits of various robot animals