Actual Conversation On The Way Home From The Market
Me:
Hey, guys. Tell Mama the song you insisted I sing to you last night.
Boone:
No.
Wife:
What was the song?
Me:
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Poo."
What's The Word?
Wife:
I'll be right back. I have to go potty.
Me:
Honey, remember when we used to "go to the bathroom?"
Wife:
No.
Actual Conversation Between My Wife & Boone While He Pooped
Larissa was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, while Boone sat on the toilet. This conversation followed...
Boone:
Is it okay?
Wife:
Is what okay?
Boone:
All of it.
Wife:
Yeah, everything is great.
Boone:
You're a pretty great boy, Mama.
Wife:
Thanks, Boone.
He then leaned forward and gave her a hug.
Actual Conversation In Which I Threaten To Give The Boys' Toy To Our Dog Mike
Me:
You need to eat or I'm giving this toy to someone else.
Boone:
Will you give it to Mama?
Me:
Maybe I'll give it to Mike.
Boone:
But, Mike doesn't have hands!
Actual Conversation Between Me And Boone
Me:
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boone:
Batman.
Me:
That does not bode well for me and your mom.
Actual Conversation Held Just After I Finished Hanging Our Outdoor Xmas Lights
Wife:
They look good. I have to tell you, you're being so dad-like right now. Turn them on. Let's see.
Me:
I can't.
Wife:
Why? What's wrong?
Me:
I hung them the wrong way. The extension chord is here and the plug part on the lights is way over there.
Wife:
Wow. You're REALLY dad-like right now.
Some day in the near future, this conversation will happen…
Boone: Papa, tell us about how you proposed to Mama.
Me: Well, son. I was dressed as The Crow.
Wyatt: What’s The Crow?
Me: It’s a character from a movie… no, wait. It was a comic book first, but they made a movie of it—
Boone: What’s a comic book?
Me: You know those stories with all the pictures you read on your Read-O-Matic 5000 device?
Wyatt: Yes.
Me: Those used to come in, like, a floppy magazine form. Anyway, they made a movie of it… I’m getting off track. I was dressed as a guy who comes back from the dead to avenge his lover’s death.
Wyatt: So, you thought that was the perfect attire for a marriage proposal.
Me: It was kind-of spontaneous.
Wyatt: Please tell me this was for Halloween.
Me: It was.
Boone: What was Mama dressed as?
Me: She… um, I don’t know. Some kind of sexy goth librarian or something. Ask her.
Wyatt: So, that was the night you guys decided to get married.
Me: Uh, no. She didn’t say yes.
Boone: But, she obviously did eventually.
Me: A year later, yes… Hey, if I were her, I would’ve waited, too.
