Today, my boys turn 10-months-old. I think it’s about time they went out and got a job.

Actually, we briefly entertained the idea of whoring our babies out to modeling agencies. Aside from the fact that we get stopped at least once a day by people telling us how beautiful our children are, we also factored in that our children really are goddamn stunning to look at. And I don’t mean that in the way that most parents do because all parents think their children are beautiful. But when you look at their offspring, they’re actually pretty fucking ugly. Seriously, I’ve seen some babies that made me weep blood.

But not our boys. And they’re already working it. If you didn’t read my tweet about Wyatt’s latest conquest, here’s how it went down: All four of us, plus two sets of grandparents went out to a nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. It wasn’t one of those stupid family-friendly arcade places either. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pass on my fear of large animatronic mice to my children.

No, this was a real restaurant — the kind where the servers can actually answer questions about which wine goes with the seared rockfish. As usual, the boys were being stellar because, in addition to being drop-dead handsome, they are also the best behaved babies that have ever existed in the history of everything which, if you think about it, goes back a long motherfucking time.

Wyatt caught the eye of a very cute 5-year-old girl waiting with her parents for the rest of their party. It was taking a while for the others to arrive and the whole time Wyatt gave this girl the hard eyeball. Unflinching eye contact. The girl was mesmerized.

We thought it was cute. The other parents chuckled… a little uncomfortably. We tried to distract him with food, toys, rocks of crack. Nothing. He just kept staring at her and she could not look away.

Finally, he reached a hand out and dropped his bottle on the floor. The little girl rushed over, picked it up and handed it to him. I smiled and thought, “That’s right, son. That’s how it’s done.”