I think Wyatt’s top front teeth have come in. It’s hard to get a good look, so I haven’t seen them, but there is a grinding sound coming from his direction every once in a while. Looks like yet another stellar trait I’ve passed on.

That kind of stuff is unavoidable. It’s the avoidable stuff I really fear. Every new parent does something regrettable at least once while handling their child. The stories usually start with the phrase “I was only gone for a second” which is then followed by things like “and he pulled the tiki bar down on top of him” or “and he stuck a light bulb up his nose” or “and he ate my Pembroke Welsh Corgi.”

My wife and I have a warning we say to each other about this kind of thing. It started as a joke that her co-worker Brett told me when we were expecting. He said once the babies were born, my wife would suddenly think I’m an idiot. His best example was about his friend who had his newborn on his hip while flipping burgers on the grill. His wife said, “Honey, be sure you don’t set the baby on the grill.”

Around our house, we used the phrase “Don’t put the baby on the grill” when we wanted to issue a warning that we knew was more about our own nervousness than our spouse’s possible ineptitude. Then, I recalled a story about my friend Mark who, while playing with his friend’s little brother, accidentally threw the child into a spinning ceiling fan. So, “Don’t put the baby on the grill” became “Don’t throw the baby into the ceiling fan.” We say it a lot. Even to the boys, who think it’s hysterical.

Just a few weeks ago, I was talking with an old friend who recently welcomed a second child into his family. He asked if I’d done anything stupid (meaning those avoidable, regrettable screw ups). I said other than not being swift enough to stop one of the boys from toppling over and bonking their head from time to time, no. Not yet. He then relayed a story in which, after some time away, he was so excited to see his infant daughter, he scooped her up and playfully tossed her in the air. Into a ceiling fan.

Amazing, right?

I told him the whole “Don’t put the baby on the grill” becoming “Don’t throw the baby into the ceiling fan” thing and how we say that all the time and how strange it was that I now know two people who’ve thrown a baby into a ceiling fan. “Weird, huh?” I asked. Judging from the following silence, I could tell he was not yet at the stage where he could laugh about it.