I don’t mean to brag or anything, but my boys both slept all the way through the night last night. Let me explain to the non-parents out there the many reasons why this is momentous beyond the reasons you can correctly assume, the first of which being my guys are fucking awesomer than any other babies anywhere.

When people talk about a baby sleeping through the night, they actually mean a 6-hour stretch. That is a milestone for every baby and parent, especially after months spent getting only 2 hours of sleep at a time. The first time our boys slept 6 hours in a row, uninterrupted, I woke up with such a sense of euphoria, I felt like I’d just eaten a plate full of pot brownies while huffing a can of Krylon Semi-Gloss Black.

Another reason this is momentous is my guys are just 9-months-old. From what I hear, many babies don’t actually sleep all the way through the night until they are much older. And for parents, it’s probably even later. Like 18 years.

And finally, the really great thing is, even though Wyatt and Boone are very different — I mean they’re taking this “We’re Fraternal, Not Identical” thing way too far — they both slept all the way through. Not a peep from either. Their sleep habits, in fact, are pretty much the only thing they have in common. That and shockingly active bowels.