Wyatt looks a lot like my wife. He’s also calm, inquisitive and gentle like her. He did get two things from me, however. He will laugh at anything and he is a picky eater. Today, I tried to feed him little pieces of nectarine and he kept grimacing, then pushing them out between his two little teeth like a Play-Doh Fun Factory.

The other thing he got from my wife is a high metabolism. He eats about the same amount of food as Boone, but is still three pounds lighter than him. For the record, I had a wicked high metabolism in college. I mean, I know everyone has a higher metabolism when they’re young, but mine was so high, hummingbirds were like, “Fuck, dude. You have a high metabolism.”

I was a waifish 120 pounds for my entire college education which, thanks to a few failed attempts to make a living as a rock star, lasted almost nine years. During this time, I cooked entire boxes of spaghetti for dinner multiple times per week, just for myself. When pasta wasn’t on the menu, pizza was. Usually a large. Again, just for me. And everything was cooked in butter and chased with 2-liter of Coke. If I didn’t think it was so uncouth, I probably would have snorted Easy Cheese.

Like my college days, Wyatt seems much more interested in proteins like chicken and turkey. So, one of the challenges I foresee with him is how to make him eat healthy now because you never know when that metabolism is going to crap out. My plan is to make the healthy stuff look as gross as possible and make eating them a game of bravery among the boys. It may require I take a bite first, then vomit to pique their interest.

I am willing to do this in the name of good health.