Despite only being here for a year, we’ve already outgrown our apartment. We try not to be cliché consumer parents, buying every product with the word “baby” printed on the package, but we still have baby walkers, rockers, bouncers, highchairs, toy baskets and other items stacked in corners and leaning against every available wall. It seems like someone broke into our apartment one night and used an Expand-O-Ray on all our shit.

We have one of those bouncers that hangs from a doorway and both boys love jumping and cooing in its springy embrace, but Boone is now too big for it. When we need a break or want them to get a little exercise, the only other option we have is the walker. When Boone is in it, he demonstrates the instability of objects by yanking them down, knocking them over, scooting them across the floor. Seriously, they should make a parking brake for those things.

Mostly, this is fine. It doesn’t matter if he pulls the stack of burp cloths down. But when he reaches for Wyatt in the jumper, there’s a very real possibility the bouncing device will come down on his arm and create my son’s first major childhood injury… I mean aside from seeing me coming out of the shower.

A professional baby-proofer said we could purchase a folding gate/fence apparatus that bolts to the floor and walls to create a safety zone around the jumper. Another option would be to work out a strict schedule in which only one of them is in their apparatus at a time. Or you can do what I did — put my guitar amp between them.

It’s too heavy for Boone to move, thus keeping him at a safe distance from Wyatt in the jumper. It’s not as intrusive as a safety gate and, since I already own it, there’s no additional cost. Plus, it sort-of teaches the boys about the power of music. Or something.