I’ve thought long and hard about which will be my boys’ first horror film. My first was Jaws. As a wee lad, I snuck down to see it late one night when it was broadcast on network TV. I felt rebellious and brave. Afterwards, I felt mentally and emotionally violated.

Despite living nowhere near the ocean, I had visions of a great white shark squeezing out of the light at the deep end of the neighborhood pool and picking off the children all in a row like a splashing, screaming buffet. I didn’t even bathe for a few months afterward. Which is exactly why I want to pick the right one for my boys.

I know what you’re thinking: Why show them one at all? I’m telling you, they’ll want to see one. And they will, by hook or by crook. When I was in elementary school, the boys used to huddle around anyone who had actually seen a horror film and listen to them recount the most scary, gruesome parts, longing to see it on our own. To be honest, some of the descriptions haunted me more than the actual films, once I saw them. One classmate told me of a scene in a flick called Mausoleum in which a woman’s breasts turn into mouths. I did eventually see Mausoleum and I don’t remember that scene, but the mental image the boy created still freaks me out. And thanks to that, the Del Taco commercial of the guy covered in chatting, hooting mouths guarantees I will never eat at Del Taco.

I eventually got a membership at the local video store and, exploiting the lax enforcement of the MPAA rating system in the early days of video rental, systematically and alphabetically made my way through the entire horror section. The only one I didn’t see was Xtro and I finally remedied that earlier this year.

The same week I saw Jaws, the local fright night host, WDCA’s Count Gore De Vol, aired a 3D version of The Creature From The Black Lagoon. My sister and I watched it with our parents blessing. Not only was this far less frightening to me, but I knew Count Gore De Vol as Captain 20, the station’s morning kids’ show host. It was hard for me to be scared when his chilling commercial break bumpers made me remember the macaroni art project he introduced earlier in the day.

So, I’m thinking the boys’ first one should be a classic horror film like that or Frankenstein or The Blob — one that is scary enough to feel like a horror, but won’t make them refuse to take a bath for the entire summer. I made no friends that year.