I just tried to create and avatar at MadMenYourself.com. Just like all the other avatar generators, they don’t have my hair. Even my Wii Fit avatar looks less like me and more like Bob Marley.

I know you think this is as far from the topic of parenting as you can get, but my boy Boone appears to have inherited my hair. It is still a little early to call. Right now, he still has that thing where babies look like they’re suffering from male pattern baldness. If they were to do a version of Die Hard with an all baby cast, Boone could play John McClane.

His hair is filling in, however, and as it gets a little length, it’s starting to curl. That’s how it starts. Then, dark brown, curly/wavy, dry. Forever. And the lack of a proper hair choice for his avatar will be the least of his problems.

When looking for a cut, I turn to Internet or magazine photos… What? Hey, just because I’m a guy, doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about my hair. And in my experience, Supercuts, not so super. Looking for images of men’s hairstyles online is not easy. All of the styles look made for men much skinnier, much younger than me. And all of them are fauxhawks.

That means I have to find celebrity shots and there are only two celebrities that have hair like mine — Josh Groban, who hasn’t changed his hairstyle in years, and Orlando Bloom. So, I have to walk into the salon with a picture of Orlando Bloom and ask the stylist to make me look like him, but with a beer gut.

Boone, the good news is, on the rare occasion you have a good hair day, it will be very, very good. People will think God is speaking to them from your scalp. Most of the time, however, you will fight with your locks and become familiar with a wide variety of hats.