Just a few days ago, we took the boys on their first picnic. We went to Will Rogers State Park and set up under a shady tree. We had a little concoction of my own invention — brown rice, sausage, carrots, peas, a touch of feta cheese — and some wine. I think my wife and I got the better meal, but I can’t say for sure. I’ve never had puréed squash.

While we were there, a polo game started up, so we watched it for a bit, but I think for that game to be interesting, you need Mint Juleps. As we were leaving, a horse got loose, escaped the fenced field and actually charged toward us. I deftly maneuvered our boys out of the way and the horse charged on toward people more capable of wrangling him… or her… or whatever.

The fact that I saved my boys from being run over marks the first thing I will hold over their heads when they act up, rebel, disagree, won’t eat their veggies. “Don’t give me any lip! I saved you from being trampled to death! Besides, you used to love puréed squash.”

And if that doesn’t work, I’ve got photos of the face they make when they poop.