My boys, Wyatt and Boone, just turned 8 months. They are finally sleeping through the night fairly regularly, except for the nights when their teeth really bother them. And last night, Boone let loose such a deluge of piss that he drenched himself and woke up none too happy about it. The way he was crying, I’m sure our neighbors thought we were trying to set him on fire. I tried to explain to him that, if he didn’t chill out, no one would believe him if he ever did actually catch fire.

I feel no great pride in the fact that his desire to share his misery with those around him at any cost is a trait he got from me. So begins my legacy.