The Daddy Complex

Shit They Don’t Tell You About Fatherhood: Bad Cop

Our boys fuss and cry in high chairs, they fidget in booster seats and when we feed them at their little table, they constantly run around, stopping by the table only to grab food that they then carry around, spilling all over the place. We’ve tried over and over to get them to stay still for just a few minutes like real people to no avail. But the other night, I found out what gets them to sit and eat quietly for the whole meal: Bad Cop.

I’ve said before that, in a moment of extreme stress, you’ll yell at your kid. You won’t be proud of it and whatever you yell at them to stop doing just continues, usually at a higher volume and with more tears. Some of them from you. Bad Cop is different, though.

The other night, as the boys ran around dropping pumpkin ravioli with pesto sauce all over the kitchen, I stood up and barked at them in the deepest, most stern, angry dad voice I could to “Sit down and eat! Your! Dinner!” To be clear, it wasn’t a yell. On the contrary, it turned out to be much more terrifying.

It had the effect of shocking them into silence and neither moved. Wyatt started crying as I put them in their chairs. Boone was so upset, he couldn’t cry. He just gave us extreme pouty lip and wide eyes. Both reached for my wife, looking for the Good Cop to save them, comfort them. And here’s where I took Bad Cop to Worse Cop. I asked my wife to leave us in the kitchen. She finished her dinner in the bedroom, effectively removing their safe haven, so all they had was Worse Cop glaring at them to eat.

And they did. It actually ended up a very pleasant dinner.

No matter how even your keel, there will come a time when your child will need to meet Bad Cop. This forceful figure with an imposing tone or rigid rules, informs your child that the game is over, the boundary is set and dinner is getting cold. The one way Bad Cop is similar to those moments when you lose your marbles and actually yell at your kid, however, is that you’ll feel awful about it. As my boys were reaching for my wife, just looking for a hug, I felt like shit. But, I still drove the point home by asking her to step away.

After the boys went to bed that night, my wife asked how I was. I turned to her and gave her extreme pouty lip.

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Notes

  1. kcsanders reblogged this from thedaddycomplex and added:
    “Bad Cop.” Check
  2. ekrepcho said: Excellent. i try to be the bad cop AND the good cop. Bi-polar cop? I don’t know which to do sometimes.
  3. ladyofleisuredc said: My son has no “good cop” - I feel bad for the kid, I really do.
  4. bestnatesmithever said: I love the move of asking your wife to leave the room. And kudos to her for supporting your move. I also use the bad cop routine, but for me it involves taking bribes from Chandler and then planting evidence in his crib.
  5. merseaspirit reblogged this from thedaddycomplex
  6. kaekmonster said: This is one of the main things I will struggle with. yelling. Thanks for showing me an extremely effective way to handle a moment such as this without having to yell as a corrective method.
  7. kcsanders said: My husband also has a “look” that stops our teenager in his tracks. It hurts worse than a spanking.
  8. thedaddycomplex posted this