The Daddy Complex

Once Bitten

Wyatt:
OW!

Me:
What happened?

Wyatt:
Boone bit me.

Me:
Okay. Let me see your hand... Holy crap, Boone.

Boone:
What?

Me:
Look at that bite mark.

Boone:
He told you I bit him. Why are you acting all surprised?

Wyatt:
Yeah, dude.

Me:
You can't bite people.

Boone:
I think I just proved I can.

Wyatt:
Really, Pop. Did you see my hand?

Me:
Why did you bite him?

Boone:
He was trying to take my puzzle piece.

Me:
That's not a good reason for biting someone.

Wyatt:
What is a good reason then?

Me:
Maybe if your plane crashed in the Andes and you had to survive.

Wyatt:
These teeth marks aren't going away.

Boone:
You tried to steal my puzzle piece!

Me:
You don't even know what piece that is.

Boone:
Sure, I do. It's a cow.

Me:
It's a police car.

Boone:
Doesn't matter. It's the principle.

Me:
Biting is not the answer. Neither is hitting, scratching, pinching—

Boone:
I never do that stuff.

Me:
Dude.

Wyatt:
Seriously.

Boone:
Okay. I do that stuff, but I'm learning how to assert myself while still using a limited arsenal of effective communication skills. Besides, this is basic toddler conflict resolution. We strike out because we don't know what else we can do.

Wyatt:
Yeah, dude. It's your job to teach us how to manage these situations.

Me:
That's what I'm trying to do.

Wyatt:
So?

Me:
Um... Don't bite.

Boone:
Wow. Genius.

Wyatt:
Thanks, Stephen Hawking.

Boone:
Well, I'm taking my cow to the hallway.

Me:
It's a police car.

Boone:
Doesn't matter.

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