August 2009
17 posts
8 tags
Splash Down
I don’t know if you’re heard, but L.A. is on fire. It hasn’t reached the proportion in which society breaks down, the city is walled off, then turned into a prison and, years later, Snake Pliskin is sent in by the government to retrieve some plot device. But it’s close.
Plus, we’re in the middle of a heat wave. So, record heat + tsunami of fire x (bad air quality) = suck stain. The air quality did...
6 tags
Perchance To Dream
I don’t mean to brag or anything, but my boys both slept all the way through the night last night. Let me explain to the non-parents out there the many reasons why this is momentous beyond the reasons you can correctly assume, the first of which being my guys are fucking awesomer than any other babies anywhere.
When people talk about a baby sleeping through the night, they actually mean a 6-hour...
6 tags
Suddenly, This Summer
Since he was able, Boone has preferred sleeping on his side. It’s strange to see on the video monitor at night. It looks like a little mug shot photo… I hope that’s not foreshadowing.
Now, he’s reached the stage where he can actually flip over onto his stomach and does so in his sleep. The first time it happened, he freaked out. Lately, however, he doesn’t even wake up. He’s like me when...
4 tags
Mad Man
My wife and I are speeding through season 2 of Mad Men, so we can catch up to the episodes of season 3 we have on our DVR. Firstly, phenomenal show. Seriously. If you’re like me and are actually turned off by people raving about how good a show is, stop it. I mean it. Watch the show. Now. Secondly, it takes place during my favorite time in American history… aside from the Salem Witch Trials...
3 tags
An Eye For An Eye
I had a pretty rough weekend. No major catastrophes, but a grab bag of little annoyances, especially on my “day off.” That day, I popped an inner tube on my bike, which made me late for the movie I wanted to see and then, while in the movie, I got pinkeye. My swollen conjunctiva made the parade of biological offenses in my chosen film, District 9, all the more immediate.
All that, of course, made...
4 tags
Adaptation
Right now, Wyatt is hanging out in the living room which, in our apartment, is right next to the dining room, which is where my little office area is set up. The only reason this is worth reporting is because he’s supposed to be sleeping right now. Like his brother. Not that I’m drawing comparisons or starting any sort of sibling rivalry for my affections or anything.
One of the biggest...
7 tags
In Digestion
Wyatt looks a lot like my wife. He’s also calm, inquisitive and gentle like her. He did get two things from me, however. He will laugh at anything and he is a picky eater. Today, I tried to feed him little pieces of nectarine and he kept grimacing, then pushing them out between his two little teeth like a Play-Doh Fun Factory.
The other thing he got from my wife is a high metabolism. He eats about...
5 tags
True Lies
My wife and I went to see Elvis Costello last night at the Greek Theatre in Hollywood. We left the dog in charge of the babies. In case of an emergency, I put my gun in Wyatt’s crib. That way, he could stave off a home invasion.
None of that is true, of course, except the part about us seeing Elvis Costello. My mother-in-law came to babysit, the only gun I own is my genuine Han Solo blaster (with...
Dog Day Afternoon
While I’m not totally out of shape, my doctor said I need to get out more. I think she was more concerned about my mental health than physical health. And our dog Mike seems as stressed as me, so I’m writing this as I sit on a bench at the dog park.
This is our first trip to the dog park since before the twins were born. My jokes about Mike being the neglected child mask a truth for...
3 tags
Losing Battle
Boone and I are having a battle of wills. He’s testing out different sounds, different volumes. I don’t mind this. My problem is he’s become quite fond of his high-pitched shriek. Usually, it means he’s tired or hungry. On days like today, however, it means “Hello!” and “Look at this toy!” and “Hey, I can scream!” and “I just made another one of dad’s hairs turn gray!”
My part of the battle of...
6 tags
Walk This Way
Despite only being here for a year, we’ve already outgrown our apartment. We try not to be cliché consumer parents, buying every product with the word “baby” printed on the package, but we still have baby walkers, rockers, bouncers, highchairs, toy baskets and other items stacked in corners and leaning against every available wall. It seems like someone broke into our apartment one night and used...
4 tags
We're Gonna Need A Bigger Couch
I’ve thought long and hard about which will be my boys’ first horror film. My first was Jaws. As a wee lad, I snuck down to see it late one night when it was broadcast on network TV. I felt rebellious and brave. Afterwards, I felt mentally and emotionally violated.
Despite living nowhere near the ocean, I had visions of a great white shark squeezing out of the light at the deep end of the...
5 tags
Give Me A Head With Hair
I just tried to create and avatar at MadMenYourself.com. Just like all the other avatar generators, they don’t have my hair. Even my Wii Fit avatar looks less like me and more like Bob Marley.
I know you think this is as far from the topic of parenting as you can get, but my boy Boone appears to have inherited my hair. It is still a little early to call. Right now, he still has that thing where...
Read The Label
When people ask me if either of the boys’ personality is starting to reveal itself, I used to say, “The only thing I can tell so far is they both really like boobs.”
Now, however, I can see differences in their behavior. Wyatt is pretty mellow, while Boone is excitable and boisterous. He fusses if Wyatt takes a toy from him whereas Wyatt kind-of shrugs it off if Boone takes a toy from him…...
2 tags
Fear And Loathing In Space
NASA announced a rogue toolbox that was orbiting the planet after it got loose during a repair operation in November re-entered the atmosphere and vaporized somewhere over the Pacific. That’s good news because the list of things I worry about every day is so immense, there’s simply no room for a meteoric 9/16 wrench falling from the sky.
Before my wife and I even announced we were pregnant…...
1 tag
4 tags
Freaky Friday
My wife and I planned a trip to our place up north this past weekend. We gave our nanny Friday off, thinking we’d leave Thursday night at the boys’ bedtime. That way, they sleep the whole way. It’s a trick we figured out after many disastrous attempts to make the drive during the day that usually ended in deafening crying jags from the boys and me.
Something came up, however, and we had to cancel...