January 2010
28 posts
7 tags
2009, Not Quite A "10"
I feel the same as everyone about 2009. I’d like to pay some low-level Mexican mafia guys to take it to a parking lot in the valley late at night and practice their coercion techniques with a couple of old tack hammers and a tomato peeler.
I said during the boys’ birthday post this was the best year of my life. That’s still true, but only because of my family. My wife, my boys. Without them, I...
December 2009
15 posts
3 tags
4 tags
My Word
If you were wondering, as of this writing, these are the words my boys have mastered…
Boone: Up Uh-oh Mama Dada
Wyatt: Papa Mama Jump AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
For the record, Wyatt is much more vocal and probably has a stronger grasp of the sounds that are possible, but he uses that knowledge to make up his own words and string them into what appear to be very complex sentences. I imagine he is...
5 tags
The Grass Is Always Greener
Remember how I said I bought a big hexagonal pen for the boys, but I don’t use it as a pen, but rather a wall? Well, yesterday I caved and set up the thing like a pen. It’s sturdier, the boys don’t have any escape routes, I don’t have to move furniture around twice a day and I get a part of my living room back. This morning, I was actually able to get through the whole newspaper. Uninterrupted....
5 tags
High Anxiety
Wyatt: AAAAAH! AAAAAAH! DUDE! DUDE! HEY, OLD DUDE!
Me: Calm down, pal. It’s okay.
Wyatt: Where were you?
Me: In the living room.
Wyatt: You can’t just leave me like that.
Me: It’s bedtime. You’re safe in your crib.
Wyatt: But, how do I know you’re not leaving me?
Me: I am leaving you.
Wyatt: What?!
Me: No, I mean for the night. You go to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.
Wyatt: I don’t believe you. You’ll never come back, you selfish jerk.
Me: I think I know what’s happening. You’re suffering “separation anxiety.”
Wyatt: Don’t try using your fancy lingo with me. Just don’t leave.
Me: You’re at the stage of development where you’re feeling anxious, maybe even scared when we aren’t in sight. You’ll get through it. And I’ll always be there for you when you wake up.
Wyatt: Don’t mess with me, old man. I’m feeling very vulnerable right now.
Me: I’m not messing with you. I mean it. I’ll always be around.
Wyatt: Okay. That makes me feel better. Thanks.
Boone: If you two Nancys are done with the love-fest, some of us are trying to sleep.
5 tags
7 tags
Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign
Me: All done?
Wyatt: I’m still eating.
Me: Boone, how about you? All done?
Boone: What are you doing with your hands?
Me: That’s the sign for “all done.” I’m trying to teach you guys sign language.
Wyatt: Ha! Talk about a fool’s errand.
Boone: Dude, just wait until we’re done.
Me: If you guys learn some basic signs, it will make us better able to communicate. You won’t be so frustrated.
Wyatt: These beans are cold. I’ve got a sign for that. I’m pushing them to the floor. POW!
Me: Don’t do that.
Boone: You shouldn’t waste your time trying to teach us signs, old man.
Me: You already wave goodbye. That’s kind-of a sign.
Wyatt: Ha! Dude, you sign!
Boone: That stupid hand thing I do when you leave is a sign?
Me: I guess it’s a gesture, technically. But, yes.
Boone: I’ll be damned.
Wyatt: Hey, how about this sign?
Me: What’s that?
Wyatt: My gang sign.
Me: You don’t have a gang.
Wyatt: Yeah, I do. Just started it.
Boone: I’ll join your gang. Teach me the sign.
Me: No, wait—
Wyatt: Put your fingers like this...
Boone: Okay.
Wyatt: Now, hold your hand like this.
Boone: Got it.
Me: So, are you guys done eating or what?
Boone: GANG SIGN!
3 tags
Oddly Enough
Wyatt’s got a new tooth already. I thought babies’ second round of teeth came around the 18 month mark. (To be fair, I don’t know where I got that info… It’s entirely possible I pulled that number from an episode of Muppet Babies.) The strange thing is, rather than getting a new pair of teeth, which was the way his first four came in, he now just has one extra. So, he’s got an odd number of...
5 tags
I Want What You Want
Wyatt: Let me see that.
Boone: I’m playing with it.
Wyatt: I just want to see it.
Boone: No... Hey! Let go!
Me: Here, Wyatt.
Wyatt: What’s this?
Me: It’s the same toy Boone has.
Wyatt: No, it’s not.
Me: Yes, it is. Look. They’re both blue. They’re both round—
Boone: He’s schooling you, bro.
Wyatt: Don’t school me, dude. I know these are different.
Me: All right, smart guy. How are they different?
Wyatt: I have this one and Boone has that one. That’s how.
Boone: He’s got a point. In fact, his toy looking pretty enticing right now.
Me: You each have one.
Wyatt: But, I want his.
Me: Why?
Wyatt: Because I don’t have it now.
Me: Fine. Let’s switch. Here.
Wyatt: Thank you.
Boone: Wait. This doesn’t seem right to me.
Wyatt: Me neither.
Me: Jesus Christ. You guys figure it out.
Wyatt: Okay. Hey, Boone. Let me see that.
Boone: No, I’m playing with it.
4 tags
Saturday Night's Alright For Poetry
My weekend away was relaxing, but that sleep on which I’d planned to overdose never manifested. I found myself waking the same time the boys usually get up and, like when I’m at home I couldn’t get back to sleep. It was nice, however, to just sit at the booth in our kitchen, listening to Chet Baker with no responsibilities… except to mow the lawn. And finish baby-proofing the playroom. And...
4 tags
Return Of The Spazz
Boone: Hey, dude.
Me: Hey...
Boone: What?
Me: Nothing. It’s just... You’re so mellow.
Boone: So?
Me: You used to be a spazz.
Boone: Huh. I guess I was. Just a phase. Now, Wyatt’s going through it.
Wyatt: I’M A PIRATE ROBOT! I WANT CHEESE!
Me: Is he trying to eat that book?
Boone: Looks that way.
Me: Well, it’s nice to see you be more level-headed.
Boone: Don’t get used to it. This, too, is a phase. I’m sure in a few weeks, I’ll be spazzing out again.
Me: No. Really?
Boone: What do I know? But, we seem to change up our behavior just when you’re getting used to us. No reason to think that’ll stop anytime soon.
Me: I never thought of that.
Boone: Probably explains why you’re so stressed out. Sucks.
Me: Yeah.
Wyatt: THIS ZEBRA CAN FLY!
Me: So, that means Wyatt will level out again.
Boone: Here’s hoping.
Me: Crap. When you’re freaking out, it’s like trying to raise a hurricane. This is... I don’t know...
Boone: Civilized?
Me: I feel like you and I have been sharing some genuine moments lately.
Boone: I know. That bonding will stay, but these kind of interactions will all go away. It’s like “Flowers For Algernon.”
Me: That’s a bit melodramatic, but I see what you mean. Sad.
Boone: Indeed. At least you’ll be able to have moments like this with Wyatt soon.
Me: True.
Wyatt: TOO MANY MONKEYS IN THE CAR! XYLOPHONE ROCK OPERA!
Boone: Good luck with that.
5 tags
Give Me A Break
I’m heading up to our beach house solo this weekend for a much needed sanity break. That “1950s Housewife Syndrome” I’ve mentioned before is kicking my ass as of late. I’ve been short-tempered and, even when I go to bed early, I can’t seem to get enough rest. My wife and I joke on the few occasions when we’ve had a date in the past year that we should just get a motel room and sleep. That’s...
6 tags
The Opposite Of Napping
Me: Wyatt, Lay down.
Wyatt: No way, dude. I’m standing.
Boone: Standing rocks.
Wyatt: Yeah, it does.
Me: This is nap time. Lay back down.
Wyatt: Check it out. With the crib walls to support me, I can actually bounce up and down.
Boone: It’s awesome. You should try it.
Me: I know you know how to lay down.
Wyatt: I know how to say “Papa” now, too, but I don’t offer that up to just anybody.
Me: Certainly not to me.
Wyatt: Why would I say it to you?
Me: Because I’m... forget it. Lay down.
Boone: Stow it, old man. We stand united. We’re standers.
Wyatt: “Stand in the place where you sleep!”
Boone: “Now, face north!”
Me: That’s it. I’m laying you both down.
Boone: HEY! Get off me!
Wyatt: LET GO!
Me: There. Go to sleep.
Boone: Okay, okay. Jeez.
Wyatt: You don’t have to be a jerk about it.
Me: Have a good nap, boys...
Boone: Is he gone?
Wyatt: Yup.
Boone: Let’s wait for 10 minutes then stand again.
Wyatt: Cool. I’ll throw in some screeching laughter.
Boone: Awesome. He’ll be so frustrated. Nice touch.
Wyatt: I learned it from you, bro.
7 tags
Straight To The Point
I actually planned on crafting a handful of text posts over Thanksgiving week. (And yes, rather than write posts, I craft them.) But, with the boys’ birthday, Turkey Day and my three-day Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup bender, I just didn’t have time. I did, however, have time to eat a great deal of my sons’ birthday cake.
On their birthday, we went out to two separate restaurants. One for lunch and...
5 tags
