Allow me to start by saying I adore your blog but I have noticed a lack of coverage on social issues. Maybe it's because your kids are so young but how do you plan to address things like politics, race, social justice, civil rights, etc?
The last thing the world needs is another goddamn straight, white, middle-aged man talking about how to fix or even address issues of race and gender inequality.
The best thing I can do is listen to people affected by social injustice and then take the appropriate actions they suggest. That said, I do talk about those things and more, but not very often on this site. Here’s why:
1. We discuss all these topics with the boys at home. And I don’t shy away from any topic. I’d rather hash it out until they get it than just dismiss it by saying, “You’ll understand when you’re older.” In fact, the first test run of the Discussing News With My Boys series I just launched was all about the events in Ferguson. And now my boys think all cops are bad guys… Oops?
You see, we’re raising our boys to treat everyone equally and with respect. (Not that I’m particularly religious, but the Bible says this pretty plainly. Not sure why Christians don’t seem to get that.) Living in a major metropolitan area makes that fairly easy. Their circle of close friends is so racially diverse, they look like the cast of Captain Planet.
And they don’t even know homophobia is a thing. They just see couples as two people who love each other. Two of the four couples in the apartment building where we lived last year are same-sex and one of the couples had twin boys about a year younger than Wyatt and Boone. So, all our guys cared about was running up and down the sidewalk with the wee ones.
That way, when they inevitably do encounter racism or homophobia or any other kind of injustice, they’ll immediately know it’s wrong. That’s when their ninja skills will kick in and they’ll beat the shit out of the person making the offending statement or action.
Anyway, because of all of this, I tend to get almost no people making racist or anti-LGBT statements to me here on the Tumblr. Because when that happens, I fucking nuke them.
2. I try to keep things funny here and, quite frankly, shit like what’s going on in Ferguson is not fucking funny. At all. But, like I said above, I’m not talking about it here. I’m listening to black families, all of whom are affected by systemic racism and violence.
Oh, and in my upcoming book, Calm The F*ck Down, I touch on how to deal with raising a child that you fear may be gay. I’ll go ahead and spoil it for you: I basically say, “You don’t raise them any differently than a straight kid and you’re an idiot for being concerned about it in the first place.”
I read all about how you dealt with your sons toddler years, but now that I have one I can't remember anything besides whiskey. Any advice on how to stay sane besides whiskey? More whiskey? I just. Nope. So pretty when she sleeps.
Just do whatever gets your through. But, always—ALWAYS—make time for yourself. Make sure to call in favors or whatever you need to carve out some opportunities for you to go see a movie, go on a date, have an adult conversation, sleep or whatever helps you.
It’s not selfish. It’s vital to your health and the health of your kid.
My wife's dad and stepmother are wickedly inconsiderate, pushy, self-centered, and by far the most dysfunctional people I've ever known. My wife and I don't want the step-mother's influence near our toddler because she gets her kicks from different varieties of manipulation (the children they have together all have issues as well), and her dad chooses to ignore this problem. Without starting WWIII, how do we approach creating barriers when reasoning with them has so far proven to be futile?
I’ve said before, I’m a big fan of speaking to adults like adults and, if they can’t handle that, that’s their problem. So, if you know WWIII is a possibility, I guess just prepare for WWIII and have the hard conversation. And if discussing barriers hasn’t worked before, maybe do that whole shock-and-awe thing by not allowing them to be around your kid until the behavior changes.
Because, as I said in the linked post above, your baby is more important than the resulting awkward silence during Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, so I've got a question... Which follows on from my previous statement... Question 1. "So, how were the galaxies made?" Question 2. "How did the trees grow if there weren't any trees?" Your target audience is a girl who has just turned 5.
I was never great at science, but I believe the answer to both is…
Creepy bathroom rabbit is creepy, just saying. Have you come up with a sequel stroke of brilliance to the CTFD method yet? Hollywood movie deal? Oh also, more serious question: how do you balance out your social media time with "real life" time. I know my balance is not always perfect between the two.
I think the biggest mistake I could make is to try to replicate the success of CTFD. Because I didn’t expect that to go bonkers like it did, so I’d be attempting to repeat something I basically had no control over.
No, I’m just going to keep doing what I do, which is post things that make me laugh and assume at least a few others find it funny, too.
And I don’t know what “balance” is. Is that some sort of quinoa recipe?
Again... Not a question... I'm all about the statements.... I enjoyed your news video. You have the same gaze that I get when trying to explain tricky topics to my 5 year old. It's as if I am trying to pull the words from the air. I recently had to answer the question "how did monkeys turn into humans?" There were some intense air gazes that day. The soundtrack to the conversation was by Pearl Jam. Evolution baby!
According to a sleep deprivation study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, after two weeks of getting only 6 hours of sleep per night (or less), you experience the cognitive equivalent of being legally drunk.
Please help! Mom of 2 boys ages 5 and one month shy of 4. 4 yo refuses potty. We've offered the world, candy, games, disneyland...He just won't go! Do I back off? He needs to be trained for preschool! Sincerely, wiping butts for 5 years now.
Oh, man. Everyone has advice about this and, when that’s the case, it usually means there is no single magic solution.
That said, boys typically take longer to get the hang of potty training than girls. So, take comfort in that. Still, rather than offering things, I suggest finding what he responds to the most and stick with that tactic, even if it skews toward being stern with him.
Though it shouldn’t turn into a shouting match, you can just tell him it has to be done, no matter what. One article I found compared it to learning how to use eating utensils: It’s not a choice, they simply have to do it.
I know the looming preschool deadline might freak you out, but it’s about him right now—not you, not his preschool. Be patient. And for any potential messes, invest in whatever household cleaner you prefer.
Hi David, read your blog and HowToBeADad every morning instead of working. I'm father to a 13 month old boy and love him with a fire that burns deep inside my soul. My wife is staying home with him until we get the yellow light from our savings. Naturally, he has bonded with her in a way that he and I haven't, and I find that he tends to avoid me when she and I are in the same room together. My question is this: How can I change this and carry more favor with him?
Bribe him with candy?
Seriously, though, give it time. Babies naturally bond with the person they see the most. Soon, however, you’ll see him enjoying your company as well.
And soon after that, you’ll be begging for some time to yourself.
Potty talk? Ignore it, discourage it, forbid it, or just isn't an issue with your five year old boys?
I tell them there’s a time and a place for it and, generally, they don’t know either of those things, so it’s best to stop using it. We both tell them they’ll start to understand when it’s okay as they get older.
That said, some of our best bedtime stories involve lots of farts.