The Daddy Complex

High-res Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.
Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!By Nate Smith
(*All patents are pending)
Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.
Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.
Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.
(photo by Lis Purdy)

Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.

Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!
By Nate Smith

(*All patents are pending)

Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.

Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.

  1. Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
  2. Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
  3. Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
  4. Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
  5. Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
  6. Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
  7. When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
  8. Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
  9. Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
  10. Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.

(photo by Lis Purdy)

Dear Lego Batman,

I’m writing you on behalf of my boys. I’m sorry it has come to this, but I think it’s time for you to see other Lego figures.

As you may have guessed, my boys have found a new love in Lego Ninjago. Can you blame them, though? You may have gadgets, but they’re ninjas who can control the elements. Plus, there are dragons.

Consider this an opportunity for you to get to know Catwoman better. She always had a thing for you. Perhaps you two can build a life together… See what I did there? Lego? Build?… Nevermind.

Anyway, tell Robin we say goodbye. We all wish you well and we’ll see you in the videogame, which my boys still love.

Sincerely,
David, authorized representative of Boone and Wyatt