The Daddy Complex

Conversation In Which My Wife Suggests I Tone Down My "Bad Cop" Routine

Wife:
When you're scolding the boys, you need to throw in some positive stuff, explain what they do well and how it applies. You don't want them to be those cliché people who think they were never good enough for their father.

Me:
Hey, if it motivates them, I'm fine with that.

Wife:
Honey.

Me:
I'm kidding... Kind of.

High-res The boys made up their own superheroes—the Super Twins! Of course, the Super Twins are not to be confused with the Wonder Twins. (No need to sue us, Hannah Barbera.) Though, they may be confused with the Super Twins TV show from the Philippines… actually, probably not. Let me explain. And just so I’m clear, my boys created what I’m about to relay without any help from anyone. My boys’ Super Twins (™, just in case) are brothers who can both shoot electricity out of their hands. They also both have swords and generally kick major ass with their supreme fighting skills. They differ, however, when it comes to their final and most amazing power. You see, each of the Super Twins can turn into an insect. The twin that goes by the handle “The Bee” can turn into a bee. The one known as “The Ladybug” can, quite obviously, turn into a ladybug. You probably saw that coming. Their fortress can transform into a giant robotic spider and their preferred method of travel are a pair of snowmobiles. But wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part. Like any good super hero, they each have an arch-nemesis. The Bee’s rival goes by the name Smacklepants. He proves a formidable opponent for he can change into any other bad guy from any mythology—DC, Marvel, Disney, whatever. Any who dares challenge the bold Ladybug? Why none other than the dastardly Stupid Ladybug! You can always tell when Stupid Ladybug is near. He’s the one walking up to people and saying, “You’re stupid.” Oh, the villainy! They described this whole thing to me, so I dashed off this picture for them. And the story keeps evolving. There’s a new villain added to the mix (the Snow Monster!) and a new member of the Super Twins team (the Grasshopper!), which, I know, should make them the Super Triplets™. But, the boys corrected me by saying the Grasshopper is just a friend, not a brother.

The boys made up their own superheroes—the Super Twins!

Of course, the Super Twins are not to be confused with the Wonder Twins. (No need to sue us, Hannah Barbera.) Though, they may be confused with the Super Twins TV show from the Philippines… actually, probably not. Let me explain. And just so I’m clear, my boys created what I’m about to relay without any help from anyone.

My boys’ Super Twins (™, just in case) are brothers who can both shoot electricity out of their hands. They also both have swords and generally kick major ass with their supreme fighting skills. They differ, however, when it comes to their final and most amazing power.

You see, each of the Super Twins can turn into an insect. The twin that goes by the handle “The Bee” can turn into a bee. The one known as “The Ladybug” can, quite obviously, turn into a ladybug. You probably saw that coming.

Their fortress can transform into a giant robotic spider and their preferred method of travel are a pair of snowmobiles. But wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part. Like any good super hero, they each have an arch-nemesis.

The Bee’s rival goes by the name Smacklepants. He proves a formidable opponent for he can change into any other bad guy from any mythology—DC, Marvel, Disney, whatever.

Any who dares challenge the bold Ladybug? Why none other than the dastardly Stupid Ladybug! You can always tell when Stupid Ladybug is near. He’s the one walking up to people and saying, “You’re stupid.” Oh, the villainy!

They described this whole thing to me, so I dashed off this picture for them. And the story keeps evolving. There’s a new villain added to the mix (the Snow Monster!) and a new member of the Super Twins team (the Grasshopper!), which, I know, should make them the Super Triplets™. But, the boys corrected me by saying the Grasshopper is just a friend, not a brother.

To get them back at them for being so out of touch and making dads look incompetent in TV shows and movies, let’s all kick in money for a movie that makes studio execs and producers look like total clueless jackasses. That’ll show ‘em! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Ha!-ha!… Ha ha ha… heh… Wait… Fuck.

High-res sorayaroberts: My Daily Beast piece on the unmotivated, emasculated and moronic stay-at-home dads in pop culture, who look nothing like reality. THANK YOU! How many of us have been saying this for years? I’m gonna say… probably all of us. I even wrote a similar article for Huffington Post a while ago, in which I screamed from Mt. Huffington that the bumbling dad character is unrealistic. (Actually, my arguement was moms are bumbling, too, but you know what I mean.) Of course, my piece was just a whiny rant. This Daily Beast article by Soraya Roberts, however, uses actual Census data and things like facts to make the point that, when it comes to depicting fathers, pop culture is what’s bumbling.

sorayaroberts:

THANK YOU!

How many of us have been saying this for years? I’m gonna say… probably all of us.

I even wrote a similar article for Huffington Post a while ago, in which I screamed from Mt. Huffington that the bumbling dad character is unrealistic. (Actually, my arguement was moms are bumbling, too, but you know what I mean.) Of course, my piece was just a whiny rant.

This Daily Beast article by Soraya Roberts, however, uses actual Census data and things like facts to make the point that, when it comes to depicting fathers, pop culture is what’s bumbling.